Anyone else drawn to leaders when they were a kid, specifically other kids. Even more specifically, kids in movies. Take Mikey Walsh from the Goonies, Charlie Conway of the Mighty Ducks, Mike Wheeler in Stranger things, and Chris Chambers from Stand by Me. All charismatic characters and identified leaders of their group. It is funny, as kids, we don’t know they are leaders, but watching them makes us want to run around the sewer system, play hockey against Iceland, go to the upside down, and take a trip to find a corpse on a hot summer day. As I said, they are charismatic; they have that little something something that devotes their friends to get after a goal. They are loyal to their friends, compassionate, hardworking, and inspiring. Anyone else get excited when Conway’s wrist was back to full strength? Anyone else want to continue following Mikey to the treasure after Chunk explains his how he does not want to go on a crazy adventure? Yes, they are fictional, but their leadership attributes are non-fiction. The world needs more leaders by the likes of these four, but kids can’t do it on their own, they need some help from us.
I am not here to debate if leaders are born or if leaders are made. I think both. Some people have top notch leadership qualities, and it has always been the case for them. Others worked on themselves to become leaders, developing qualities, honing their strengths, and addressing their areas of improvement. Kids need to learn to be leaders, as well as followers. Leadership instills confidence, helps children solve problems creatively, work in a team, and cooperate with others. As a 24-year-old, a quasi-adult if you will, there are leadership conferences and workshops offered to people like me who want to be better leaders. However, I am not sure if there is anything of the sort for kids. They say it takes a village to raise a child. Well, it is on the village to help these kids become leaders in various manners.
As a guy in his early 20’s with no prospects of having kids soon, I can honestly say that being a parent is easy. No, obviously, I am kidding. However, leadership starts in the home, with the parent(s). The little monsters see, the little monsters do, so give the little monsters something great to see, so the little monsters do something great. Being a leader has no formula but teaching them the necessary skills to be leaders are important to prepare them take on responsibilities and pay leadership forward. Help children develop inner confidence by giving them the opportunity to do a good job. This can be through room clean up or setting the table prior to meals. Through appropriate praise, this will develop their ‘swagger’ or earned confidence, making them eager to do these tasks in the future, maybe even without asking. Something that can be taught and can always be taught is how to see things from a different point of view.
Strong communication, both ways, is integral to being a leader. Teach children to listen carefully and respond to others in a respectful manner. This is easier said than done, but leadership is in general is easier said than done. Carl Rogers, an American Psychologist had done immense work on listening. Rogers developed active listening. Active listening is beyond saying ‘yeah’, ‘mhmm’, ‘right’, while others are talking to show you are listening, or giving such an illusion. Rogers developed the idea that when listening to someone, debating them, or in a disagreement, listen to their argument, summarize their points in your own words to the other person, and wait for them to agree that you understand what they are saying. Once again, easier said than done, especially in a heated argument over why the trash is not taken out but will pay dividends to kids if they become skilled in this skill. Another way to develop kids as leaders is to give them opportunities.
Mike Babcock (say what you want, I get it) dropped the word opportunity a lot during his coaching career. Opportunity is the set of circumstances that make it possible to do something. Giving kids opportunities to succeed was already discussed in a more familial sense prior. Continuously giving kids opportunities to succeed in different contexts also develops their swagger. Swagger is another term Babs liked to drop. As stated earlier, swagger is the confidence earned because you accomplished a goal, you. Not your parents, friends, whatever, it was all you. In the classroom, give kids the opportunity to problem solve. For example, two kids want to read the same book and there is only one copy. That is a problem. Giving them the power to make decisions and develop a solution on their own strengthens their leadership skills, specifically their negotiation skills. There are also group projects to carry out in the classroom, which can be a fucking nightmare coming from this university student. However, as much as it is a bitch to carry out a group project, it teaches kids of all ages how to work within a team, collaborate, cooperate, and play to their strengths to get the job done. Competing in team sports also mirrors the concept of a group project.
Sports are fun. Sports are fun with friends. But not always. People are competitive, hot headed, and just overall have different temperaments. Youth sports are cool, and when done correctly, have a great impact on a kid. I have seen coaches yelling at 12-year old’s the way I was yelled at (only a handful of times) but high school and university coaches. Yelling at a kid who’s balls just dropped should not be allowed in the sport, whatever the sport. University and high school athletes, a little different, but we are not here to talk about that. Youth sports are meant to develop the kid as an athlete, a leader, a teammate, a follower, and a leader. Coaches need to give opportunities to all their athletes to develop their skill and themselves. Put them in situations where they can excel as well as fail. Allow a culture where failure is ok and you can learn from failure. Yeah, there are competitive people out there, and it stings to lose, but once again, it is just a game. There is no need to lean into a kid who fucked up, he knows he fucked up. There are better ways to address the mistake, like have a talk after the game, or next practice, explaining what went wrong, but also explain an instance where they made the right play. Don’t play psychological tricks on kids, using negative reinforcement and whatnot. All in all, allow kids the opportunity to succeed and fail on the field, ice, floor, diamond, pitch, wherever.
The world needs strong leaders, one’s who take ownership. Not leaders who say that we don’t need PPE at the start of a pandemic, but then say we do later, and only said we didn’t because they were afraid of supply and demand issues. That is a solid way to start things off when an entire continent is looking at you for answers on complex issue. Anyway….. to have strong leaders, we need to make strong leaders, now. It all starts with the kids. Give kids the opportunity to be leaders, to fail, to succeed, to collaborate, to be autonomous. When kids become better leaders, they are the ones who step in when a bully is picking on a smaller kid. They take action, something we are missing these days. When kids become leaders, strong leaders, they inspire those around them just like those fictional characters mentioned at the beginning. When kids become better leaders, they are wise enough to put their arm around their teammate who had a bad game, reminding them, it is not the end of the world. For kids to be great leaders, we need to be great leaders. Give kids something worthwhile to follow.